Published on July 28th, 2012 | by Dave William21
Olympic Opening Recap
The olympics—truly a testament to the glory of the human race. From the fast paced, highly skilled women’s basketball to the warrior fury of badminton, we truly are in for a treat. With the crazy stemmed fire flower fully erect and the tree of life looking observantly over Wembly stadium, the London 2012 olympics have officially begun. One could truly see the joy in the queen’s eyes as her coy, yet warming, smile greeted the world to the cheery old town o’ Britain.
Although the London opener did not instill the global fear that the Beijing olympics managed to portray, they did have glowing butterflies on bicycles. From the industrial revolution (that wasn’t nearly as neat as its child’s Industrial Revolution – USA) to the rise of the Beatles (which also ended up in the USA) the opening ceremony really paid homage to English things that weren’t as good as or eventually ended up in the USA. But all joshing aside, they did have James Bond skydive in to hang out with the queen and those are uniquely British.
Any-who, on to the parade of nations or as I like to call it, the ‘spot who’s attractive and/or who has the niftiest outfits circle of 4-hour judgement’. Per usual, I, like the majority of viewers, was earnestly surprised by the existence of 1/3 of the countries. Not surprised enough to check a map, but surprised enough to take a drink, go to the bathroom or tweet about Katy Perry’s tweet about the olympics.
As the parade began we got to see the colors, general swag, and pointy-toed shoes of the great nations of this here world. Some countries to note were all the ones with attractive people & the countries that you did not think had the ability to get near an airplane. Congrats to all for your genetic athleticism and good looking…ness.
Finally we got to Germany who single handedly is carrying the entire eurozone from economic collapse. Truly an economic shining light in an otherwise Greek…er…economically dark world. Just when you think their fancy colorful costumes have made it through the gauntlet of judgement, the cameras spot a fan. A lovely yet curmudgeonly old man who has not yet received the telegraph that the nazi party is no longer the leading party in the German empire (note the Hial-ing old man gif attached). So close to getting through without one nazi joke…so close.
Most importantly after what seemed like 420 words later, the USA got its time to shine. Since they are the ego/economic/cultural freedom hub of the world they didn’t feel the need to lower their flag in respect to the hosting country. Atta boy America, they do what they want when they want. To Gold. To Gold.
After that – other things happened.
And then the Queen gave a riveting, thought-provoking speech that reached the soul and mind of every observer. One sentence that I can not do justice to on such a primitive communication outlet. Simply, “Let the games…Begin”. Profound.
After that, the one guy sang “Hey Jude” which he shouldn’t have…due to being out of key. And then, the most glorious thing happened, a 2 minute recap which could have saved me and the world 5 hours of our lives.
The moral of this story? The London Olympics should truly be glorious and we have two martyrs of the human spirt to thank. Wenlock & Mandeville. The two Not At All Creepy Olympic mascots that someone thought was a good idea, that they then brought to someone else, that also thought it was a good idea, that then brought it to a committee, that also thought that these two were a great Non-Creepy representation of the UK.
Look forward to more updates from a website that you visited that one time – DrunkOnSports.
GoodDay. GoodOlympics. GoodDrinking.